When Not to Query or Pitch

If you have a query letter all ready to go and you are itching to send it off to an agent or have a pitch all sparkly and new for an editor… hold off. According to MediaBistro (this article includes most popular vacation dates) you should wait about another two weeks for the optimal receipt. Why? Folks are still on vacation. And then when they get back… well, they have some catching up to do. So, take a deep breath, move your finger off the send button and spend the next two weeks working on something new.

Enjoy!

When Break Ups Are Like Literary Agent Rejections

If you are a querying aspiring writer you may have noticed that at times, a rejection from an agent can sound almost like a break up line. To keep myself amused, I’ve made a little list of break up lines and their agent rejection equivalent.

(Please note: A querying aspiring writer is an unpublished writer who is emailing literary agents, asking to be theirs. In turn, they more often than not, turn around and send you back a cyber rejection. Either that, or you get the cold shoulder–no reply, because agents are like the hot chick in the bar on men’s night and are literally bombarded with more requests than they can deal with.)

Here goes (Break up lines / agent equivalent):

It’s not you, it’s me. / It’s not you, it’s the market.

I need some time to discover myself. / Your project doesn’t fit my current list needs.

I don’t deserve someone like you. / I am not the best fit/match for your project.

You are too good for me. / You have great potential, but I don’t feel passionate about your project.

I just don’t see this relationship going anywhere. / Your pages/character/story didn’t draw me in as much as I had hoped.

I don’t know what I want right now. / While I enjoyed your work, I don’t feel passionate enough to offer representation.

I found someone else. / I am not currently seeking new clients.

We need a break. / You are welcome to query me with a new project, but please stop querying me with this same story.

I think you are a great person, but…. / You show great potential as a writer, but….

I don’t think we are the best match, but you’re great and will get snapped up right away. / I didn’t make the connection with your material, but another agent may feel differently.

And two more (one of which came up in the comments section):

We’re don’t have enough in common / I don’t represent this genre.

A break up followed by a restraining order / Do not pitch to me in the washroom during conferences. / Do not jump out from behind the bushes in front of my office to pitch to me. / Do not phone me every day and convince my secretary you are a sick relative so you can pitch to me. / I am putting your email and story title in my spam filter.

If I still don’t have you convinced that romantic relationships can be like writer-agent relationships, check out the literary agency Baker’s Mark and their ‘Get to Know Us‘ page.

Querying and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem

First of all, self-esteem in a writer is highly over-rated. Really, what are you planning to do with self-esteem anyway? Turn into some snotty, old curmudgeon? That’s what I figured. A little bit of healthy self-doubt is good for writers. It pushes us to struggle to the next level. It makes us humble.

If you aren’t feeling humble enough these days, try querying. Yowzers. (For those blissfully out of the loop, querying is when writers send query letters to literary agents, requesting representation. (A query letter is a business letter describing one’s work in hopes that it will interest the agent, who reads approximately 20-120 of these letters a day, prompting them to say, “Yes, send me the first 50 pages of your project so I can look them over.”). If you are lucky (and approximately in the top 1-5% of those querying), the agent will reply asking for a ‘partial.’ And no, they aren’t asking you to get them revved up. A partial is a small sample of your manuscript. Usually, this covers about the first 50 pages (although that can vary). With the convenience of email, there are some agents who ask for the first 50 pages right off the bat, along with the query. If the agent likes what they see, they will ask for a ‘full.’ A full is the whole manuscript. If they like that and feel passionate about it, they will offer representation. Occasionally, they will ask to see changes first. If you think you can work together, you sign a contract, the agent helps you put some more polish on your work, and then they approach publishing house editors on your behalf in hopes of landing a book deal.

The first part of querying (after you have removed all the hair from your head through the masochistic method of yanking it out, one small tuft at a time, aka, writing and editing the query letter approximately 80,000 times) is doing your research. This means cruising agency websites trying to find a match. (You can also use handy services like agentquery.com which gives you a list of agents who represent what you’re peddling and provide info on them. Still, you should do a cruise by the agency website to double check, etc.) This is where my knees get a little wobbly from time to time. Why? Some of these agency websites are mighty intimidating for a first-time novelist.

For example, a long list of big name authors who make a decent living curling up with their computer and pumping out stories–just a little bit intimidating when you think of the agent helping them one minute, then turning around to help you and your incorrect comma usage the next. Or how about sites that say things like, “We welcome talented writers….” How do I know if I’m a talented writer? Writing is so subjective. To say you have talent is like saying, “Look at me and my ginormous ego! Woo, get a load of me. I’m the next Faulker, Shakespeare and Dickens, all rolled into this fantastic package. Yeah, baby!” The subjectivity of determining talent makes me think of ‘So You Think You Can Dance, Canada?’ When I watch the auditioning dancers, it goes something like this:

Me: “Yeah, this guy rocks. He’s got moves. He’s so in. Look at that energy.”

Then it snaps to the judges and they are pulling at their very expensive hair, and practically yelling, “No! No, no, no. No.”

What is talent and what is sheer hard work? And can you tell when you look at a page?

Of course, if the research doesn’t get you, there are the rejections flying at you. Those can make some dings in your armour. Although, I am pleased to say that I have personally reached a stage where I send a batch, forget about them and assume anything coming in is a rejection. Then I am pleasantly surprised if they request a partial. It’s good for my self-esteem.

Career Plans for the New Year

2009 is approaching rapidly. And while I know that we haven’t even ‘done’ Christmas yet, my mind is already moving towards the new year.

In January, I plan to begin querying agents for The 15 Date Rule. While I am querying, I will work on two of my works in progress that are currently in the editing stage. 2009 will be my year. It’s time to take the next step. I can feel it. I’m ready.

In case you need some ‘science’ to back up my feelings check out my January horoscope:

“There’s new hope for a project of relationship you almost gave up on last year. Your expectations–whatever they are–will be met.” (From Chatelaine, January 2009. Holiday Mathis.)

I know it’s a horoscope, but it gives me a strange sense of ‘yes, this will work’. 

What are your career goals for the upcoming new year?