When Break Ups Are Like Literary Agent Rejections

If you are a querying aspiring writer you may have noticed that at times, a rejection from an agent can sound almost like a break up line. To keep myself amused, I’ve made a little list of break up lines and their agent rejection equivalent.

(Please note: A querying aspiring writer is an unpublished writer who is emailing literary agents, asking to be theirs. In turn, they more often than not, turn around and send you back a cyber rejection. Either that, or you get the cold shoulder–no reply, because agents are like the hot chick in the bar on men’s night and are literally bombarded with more requests than they can deal with.)

Here goes (Break up lines / agent equivalent):

It’s not you, it’s me. / It’s not you, it’s the market.

I need some time to discover myself. / Your project doesn’t fit my current list needs.

I don’t deserve someone like you. / I am not the best fit/match for your project.

You are too good for me. / You have great potential, but I don’t feel passionate about your project.

I just don’t see this relationship going anywhere. / Your pages/character/story didn’t draw me in as much as I had hoped.

I don’t know what I want right now. / While I enjoyed your work, I don’t feel passionate enough to offer representation.

I found someone else. / I am not currently seeking new clients.

We need a break. / You are welcome to query me with a new project, but please stop querying me with this same story.

I think you are a great person, but…. / You show great potential as a writer, but….

I don’t think we are the best match, but you’re great and will get snapped up right away. / I didn’t make the connection with your material, but another agent may feel differently.

And two more (one of which came up in the comments section):

We’re don’t have enough in common / I don’t represent this genre.

A break up followed by a restraining order / Do not pitch to me in the washroom during conferences. / Do not jump out from behind the bushes in front of my office to pitch to me. / Do not phone me every day and convince my secretary you are a sick relative so you can pitch to me. / I am putting your email and story title in my spam filter.

If I still don’t have you convinced that romantic relationships can be like writer-agent relationships, check out the literary agency Baker’s Mark and their ‘Get to Know Us‘ page.