Still

Facebook is crazy. It is a great tool for getting in touch with old acquaintances or friends that you have lost touch with–provided that they are on Facebook. But it is also just another place to have to check for messages from friends, etc. Assuming that they send you replies.

Which brings me to my I-Have-No-Self-Esteem Moment of the month. First of all, I need to ask you this: do you fit in? Do you fit in wherever you go? For me, those questions are moot because I don’t think I have ever really, truly felt like I fit in. (With the exception of my immediate family.) School, work, social networks, I’ve never truly felt like I fit in or ‘click’. Sure, I have friends. It’s not like I am socially incompetent or something, I just am one-of-those-things-that’s-not-like-the-others.

Not too long ago, I went to a party where people were talking about stuff that I ‘see’ or ‘think’ or ‘believe’ or is ‘up my alley’ and I was like, WOAH! This is friggin’ great. Unfortunately, I don’t really know the people and will likely never see them again and I think in some ways, they thought I was the ‘mainstreamer’ in the group. Which is so heart wrenching, because, yes, in some ways, I am, but at heart, I’m not. For example, it didn’t matter where their quirky conversations turned, I was right there with them. And not just nodding my head and B.S.ing like a wannabe. I could out alternative them in three sentences of life background, if I was so inclined. But I guess I’m not.

I’m just different.

So, basically, I’m feeling sorry for myself today. It has been a few weeks (months) of trying to expand my social network and I feel like I just can’t find people like me. I have never really fit in anywhere, so shouldn’t I be used to it by now? Answer: yes, and does it really matter whether I fit in or not?

Oh yeah, I was making a point about Facebook, wasn’t I? You see, I finally signed up. I’m not part of any networks, I haven’t let Facebook into my e-mail to badger my friends, I don’t have photos of me (evidently, I am the photographer in the family), but I have hooked up with some old friends, which is nice. I was so pumped when I ‘made friends’ with some old buddies. They won’t turn their backs! It will be like old times full of laughs and backhanded compliments and pointed barbs.

Maybe I am just needy, but my ‘friends’ just don’t seem to care about being anything more than having me listed as a ‘friend’ on Facebook. It’s like they are collecting ‘friends’, but don’t want to actually get reacquainted or take an actual, genuine interest. And no, it’s not like I asked them to come straight over to my house and stay a week so we could get reacquainted. I sent simple, nice, hey-how-are-you e-mails and not-much-is-new-here-with-the-exception-of-x-y-and-z, and no reply. I wrote little notes on their walls, made kind and I-connect-with-you comments on their photos. Did I come across wrong? Is it me? Is it? Is it? (Okay, that’s me being all needy.)

So, does that mean that I don’t even fit in on Facebook? I mean, if I don’t even fit in in the cyber world…

This is where I suck it up and go to bed. G’night.

Fitting in and Mishaps

The other day I met some great people who are totally on the same page–a page of which very few people even know about around here-or so it feels. You know, like sell off your overpriced Alberta home and move to somewhere like Nova Scotia and live mortgage free–yes! The funny thing is, I think they thought I was all mainstream. Which, I am. In a lot of ways. But, in a lot of ways, I’m not. I finally felt like these were some people where I might fit in.

The quest of all ages, finding a place to fit in. I read an interesting idea in Chatelaine magazine. There was an article on tattoos and how it used to be that people got tattoos, etc to show that they truly didn’t fit in, therefore they marked themselves to prove that they didn’t fit in and never would. Well, I have never ‘marked’ myself, but I know people who have. But, you can see it in their eyes before you really notice the tattoos or whatnot. As for me, well, it never really bothered me an awful lot, I suppose because I know who I am. Sometimes it gets a bit lonely though.

So, I am thinking of seeking an agent. I have a couple in mind that I have been researching. Wish me luck.

As well, wish me luck with my computer. My hubby tech guy is leaving town for two days to present at a conference. I can guarantee that the Internet will go down for sure. Last two times he has left town in the last month, it has gone down before he was even that far away. It’s like it knows. And it is not like I am a technological dolt or anything…it just wants its daddy.

So, if you have read about my little technology mishaps I had earlier this month, this should amuse you. But first, a little about nightlights. It gets dark, they turn on automatically. Right? Okay, well, we have a fun little Sponge Bob one that I plug into our bathroom socket every night for our daughter. The other night, I plugged it in as usually and my hand slipped and I thought, hum, something is not right. So, I tested it. Broken bulb. Okay, no problem. I pulled out a replacement and plugged it in, closed the door to make the room dark and still no light. Weird. Maybe I put the bulb in wrong. I turn on the overhead light and put the bulb back in nicely. Okay, there. Hang on. The nightlight is on. I turn off the overhead light. The nightlight turns off. Well, ffffffaaaaa. I just made a nice ‘day’light for our bathroom. Don’t ask how, but we now have a nightlight that only turns on in the light.

I really don’t know how I do it.