Shut UP!

That’s right, I said, “Shut UP!” Yes, I know, I may have damaged some holding-on-by-a-hair-self-esteems out there by saying that. But sometimes it needs to be said.

Specifically, it needs to be said to that nasty little gremlin that sits on your shoulder telling you that you can’t do it. That little guy who wheezes in your ear, sharing not-so-sweet nothings like, “That’s an adverb, followed by too many adjectives, you twobit writer.” and “That makes no sense. Do you even know who this character is? You must SHOW their motivation.” and “That paragraph is too long.” and “A comma doesn’t go there.” and “Spelled that wrong.” and “Get a thesaurus, you’ve used that word three time. Who do you think you are. Trying to write? Ha! Ha! You don’t even have a good, polysyllabic vocabulary. Any ESL person could walk off the street with a better story and better writing. Just give up already, you are wasting your time.”

Whew! That’s some nasty stuff.

So, what do you do? What can you do? And you have to do something because that nasty little gremlin will smother your muse in vile tar in five seconds flat, leaving you sobbing on your keyboard.

First, you have to write. You have to show that gremlin who’s boss–and that would be you, the writer.

Second, if it is a long list of ‘rules’ you need to remember in order to be a ‘good’ writer that is getting you down, then the solution is easy. Write. Write, write, write, until it all becomes second nature. (Maybe focus on one thing at a time though–we don’t want any heads to explode as brains are very hard to clean off the upholstery.)

Third, write. Yeah, I’m kind of serious about this one. Don’t let the bastards get you down. Even if you have to type ‘This sucks. I know it sucks, but I’m going to keep writing until something good comes up. I’m going to sit here and keep typing even if my internal editor won’t SHUT UP! I won’t let anything distract me. I won’t get up until I have ten pages down. Even if they suck and it is the same sentence repeated 243 times. All I know is that there is this girl who has a problem with the Elm tree in her front yard and she ends up falling in love with the man across the street while trying to deal with the Elm.’ And just keep going until something happens. It will. Your brain will get tired, your gremlin will get lulled to sleep and things will take a turn and begin to happen. Be aware that it might not happen on day one or page one. Know and be okay with the fact that some of it is going to be garbage, but if you keep writing eventually you will run out of garbage. Sometimes it is by paragraph 3, sometimes it is page 56. Just write it down. You can always edit it later, recycling items, landfilling others, polishing hidden gems, etc, but if you don’t have it down… what have you got?

“It says here, “Calvin and Hobbes shows bad influences to little ones. No one can be that bad.”

Fourth, if your gremlin doesn’t have a day job, is a bit of an insomniac, and is always on snoopervision no matter what you do, distract him. Turn on music–new stuff might keep him busy. Talk radio so he isn’t lonely. Or the TV so he picks up useful tidbits he can feed to your subconscious to be placed here and there in your story.

Fifth, if your gremlin is really harping on one thing, let him out on someone else’s work. Now, be careful! You don’t want to rip someone else apart and leave them crying on their keyboard. Be kind! But if you are working on sensory details and your internal editor/gremlin is going nutso on you, read someone else’s work and make notes. What works? What doesn’t? How can you use what works in your own writing? Give yourself a challenge and ONLY focus on improving that one thing.

Sixth, don’t be afraid to play. Really. And let your Gremlin play, too. He’s bored. He’s there, use him. Turn him into your internal drive to always improve. But remember, when he gets to be too much, tell him to, “Shut UP!” And be firm. Spank him if necessary. (I won’t call social services, I promise.)

Seventh, if ALL else fails, get him a little bit tipsy–unless he’s a nasty drunk, in which case, bribe him with chocolate, ice cream, coffee, or whatever floats his sensory boat.

There will always be something to learn or work on when it comes to writing, that’s what’s so amazing about it. Go forth and play and don’t forget those two golden words: SHUT UP!

Good luck young grasshoppers. And whatever you do, keep your gremlin dry.

P.S. If you have handy gremlin elimination tips, feel free to share them in the comments section.

Writing Tips From Literary Consultant, Jeffrey Moores

Last Wednesday night Jeffrey Moores, former literary agent and current literary consultant, critiqued AgentQuery Connect members’ passages from their manuscripts over in the AQ chat room. He dispensed a ton of advice and tips, and 17 of those sweet writing tidbits I will share here.

1. If you can, skip using ‘first’ and ‘then’ to introduce action. It’s filler. Example: First she stood up, then she whirled around.

2. Instead of using two or three descriptor words, find one ‘good’ word that encompasses it all. His example: Instead of “sudden dead stop”, try “jerked to a stop”.

3. On adverbs (those words that end with ‘ly’): “Adverbs are usually weaker constructions that you could replace with more active verbs.” My example: He quickly ran to the store. He bolted to the store.

4. Use your verb choice to show your character. As Jeff asked, “how would grandma move across the room?” Wheel? Shuffle? Jeffrey added: “These are what I call “COMPOUND DETAILS”; those which show us an aspect of character development or theme or scene, while moving us forward at the same time.”

5. Don’t stuff a lot of details into one sentence. Do you have details you want to highlight for the reader? Focus on one per sentence and relate them to a theme or the character’s mood, etc. Justify why you are focusing on that detail. Save your details for the right moment.

6. When creating a scene, be careful how many images you throw at your reader. Allow time for them to sink in. Start with what is most pressing/important or sets the scene the best. What detail do you want to be the strongest? Give it the attention.

7. Delving into a character’s history needs to be warranted. There needs to be a reason for breaking the action in order to give some history.

8. When using words from another language or technical words that your reader may not know, add contextual clues so the reader can guess the exact meaning. Either that or use a narrator to explain what it is.

9. Hook your reader by putting the action first, then once you have them seeing a scene and wondering how your character ended up in this situation, move into telling, background, etc. to fill in the facts they need to know.

10. On other kinds of action… Actions causes reaction. Start by showing the action that propels the character and then move into the reaction. Show us what they see, then show us how they react. If something makes the main character yelp, show why they are yelping before they yelp.

11. Want to up the action? Speed things up? (Say you have a murder scene or a fight scene where you want to bring your reader to the edge of their seat and things to be happening one right after another.) Skip the ‘and’s linking those actions together. For example, instead of setting it up so this happened then that and this and this. Go for the jugular. This happened. That. This. That.

12. Early on, decide what your character’s level of smarts will be and what kind of things they will notice and in how much detail. Word choice and detail awareness create a character. For example, do they see erratic zigzags or 1 inch slices at regular intervals? Base the reaction and detail awareness on the character who is noticing the details.

13. Read aloud to hear the rhythms of you word choices, sentence lengths, etc. Anywhere you run out of breath or stumble, the reader will as well.

14. ‘Show’ when you can. Don’t tell the reader he was shocked or the mutilation was savage. Give us the details, let us draw the conclusion that this character is shocked and this is a savage mutilation.

15. Ensure your comparisons are equal. Don’t compare a cut to the bone to a papercut.

16. If you are using both second and third person point of view in your novel, break them apart so they are in different ‘scenes’.

17. You can start your novel with dialogue, just ensure that it isn’t between too many people and the scene and setting is immediately recognizable so you don’t lose your reader.