Highway Man

Driving across country you are bound to run into some crazies. Usually you expect a few car loads of kids waving frantically at everyone and anyone in hopes of entertaining themselves, a few lane cutters, a few fingers for miscellaneous reasons and whatnot. You don’t expect someone to adopt you and not leave your side.

We were happily driving along, a few provinces away from home when a vehicle passed us and the driver waved at us out his open window. Immediately we checked his license plate as that is often the cause for driver waves this far from home. But nope, no familiar red plate like ours. It was a friendly wave, so no need to pull over and check our car or rooftop carrier. So we smiled and continued on our way until we were stopped about twenty minutes later at construction. The driver of the car jumped out (he was in front of us) and came bounding to our window. Turns out he was from Alberta. Hubby asked, “Well why did you move here?” Crazy man (although his craziness was not yet verified) replied heartily, “I know!!”

The construction light turned green (great little invention these portable lights) and people immediately began honking at crazy man to get back into his car. And we were off through the construction. Well, not really. We got the red light, he got the green. So we waited despite him trying to wave us along after him. So when we get to the other end of the construction, who should be pulled over and directing us to pull over as well? Yep, crazy man.

Curious by this character, we pull over. He was charming and boisterous. Within moments he comes running up to our car and indicates for us to unroll our window. I’m thinking ‘no thanks’ and leave mine up. The next ten minutes is an unending round of ‘guess who the famous person’ is as he leafs through a full 3 1/2 inch binder full of blown up photos of him with famous rock stars. In all, I think hubby passed his MTV Stars of the 90s Pop Quiz. I’m really glad I wasn’t in the driver’s seat as I’m pretty sure I would have flunked seeing as I’ve only watched about an hours worth of MTV in the past decade and a half. (Sad?) Having previously agreed to meet relatives for coffee in the nearby city, we finally were able to push off about 15 minutes later.

Sort of.

He insisted that we should follow him as a person can go 20km over the limit here and not get caught–so he proclaims. “Follow me, follow me! 110! Follow me!” When we saw him digging in the car and not getting into the driver’s seat, I told hubby to floor it or we’d be stuck there for another 15 minutes being drilled on song titles as we’d be forced to listen to his CD collection made by Snoop himself and which he luckily couldn’t find in his haste to pull us over and entertain us. Crazy man pretty much freaked out when we drove off without him and scrambled into his car, eager to try and get in front of us so we could follow him to the city. I tell ya, a city has never come fast enough for me.

I have to admit, crazy man was an entertaining bean. He insisted that he be our personal entertainment. Honestly, I think the guy was a bit lonely with his kids all back home with the ex wife. I mean, after his friends have already seen his famous people pictures once, then what? It was really cool seeing that passion in someone. Or you know, craziness. But where do you go from there?

So with crazy man slowing down to make us think that he was releasing us, he speeds up to stay alongside in the slow lane, taking his hands off the steering wheel to make emphatic ’110′ symbols with his hands. I have to admit, he’s a pretty good driver when he has no hands on the wheel and his attention anywhere but on the road. I wasn’t so scared about that part, it was when he was showing us another famous picture (Jesus) and then closing his eyes, taking his hands off the wheel and crossing himself and placing his hands in prayer position all while not letting us fall in behind or in front of him that freaked me out. Plus it was a bit stressful when he’d slow right down, forcing us to pass him and then not letting us back into the slow lane, causing the angered traffic behind us to jam up.

After all his tactics resulted in disbelieving smiles from his audience, he decided that we were his friends. Solid. Soon after he began fanning himself with money. Quite a lot of it in fact. Then he started shouting through our closed window, “McDonald’s! McDonald’s! I’ll take you to McDonald’s!” I think that was after his offer to share his big gulp and cigarettes by trying to pass them from his car to ours. I’m pretty sure that was before I suggested my mom take a photo of his license plate which was followed by a photo of him. (Yes, he took his hands off the wheel to primp and pose. Dear lord, it is a miracle we are all still alive.) Maybe that sort of influenced his impression of us.

So anyway, when we finally hit the city, we managed to ditch him. And yes after telling him we were parting ways and trying to fall behind we snuck between to two trucks before scuttling in behind a hotel. We have no pride, but we are alive. Seriously, the guy was offering to tour us through the city and if given the chance would likely have escorted us at 20km over the speed limit all the way home.

And then we got lost and were at least an hour late for our coffee with the relatives. They were pretty forgiving. I guess it helps when you have a good story. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

Camping Expedition

Went to Big Knife Provincial Park for a little get-your-feet-wet camping expedition with the little one. Sure was nice to go back to the familiar, quiet place. I’ve got a lot of fond camping memories from camping there with my hubby back ‘in the day’.

I had been a bit concerned that we might get there and find that there were no tent spots left–it being later in the day on a Friday (as well as being the best weather of the week). When we had tented here in the past, it was usually mid-week and I wasn’t sure what to expect on the weekend.

Anyway, we got to choose our own site and walked through them all, (lovely, lovely, quiet treed area) because we were the only ones there for the tenting area. Craziness! The place is like a secret camping nugget of wonderfulness. (There is even a wading pool, river, hiking/walking paths, a park as well as the usual basic camping amenities.)

As we were hauling stuff from our car to our tent site (quite separated from the RV section), some people walked by and I overheard one of the ladies saying that it was a shame that they didn’t take a bunch of the trees out of the under-used tenting area and make it an RV area as it was so nice and peaceful (and treed).

Some people don’t get it, do they? What does she think that the RV area used to look like?

Anyway, by morning there were four tent sites occupied. I say ‘by morning’ as one group came in the dark and although shining their headlights into the bush to see enough to set-up, they were very courteous. As was the other, basically, nonexistent group.

But then there was this guy who road up on his bicycle. I was like, ‘cool’. And of course felt totally unworthy because although tenting (and nobody in Alberta tents anymore) we had driven our car to the campground. (Of course. Like I’m going to haul all our camping gear and our daughter 140km.) But then I heard his cell phone ringing and later saw he was eating a huge bag of Cheesies. Now, I felt like he was in fact human and I might be still worthy after all. Whew!

And then his ‘girlfriend’ arrived. And talked all night. Yes, ALL night. Impressive, really. Occasionally she made forays past our site in the middle of the night on her way to the parking lot wearing her super loud slappy flipflops. Anyway, whatever. Why did she feel the need to run her vehicle at 3:30 a.m. for a few minutes? Dunno. (By then dude over in the RV section has ceased serenading the valley with his generator. So maybe she thought it was too quiet–I mean the coyotes were yet to start howling and the squirrels had stopped scolding us and had gone to bed. So it was pretty peaceful.) I think others arrived at their site too at some point after we went to bed.

Evidently, Flipflop Girl hadn’t seen a blue LED flashlight before as when I stumbled through the dark past her site at 5:30 a.m. en route to the outhouse with my daughter, she thought I was an alien.

Yes, an alien.

“Is that an alien?” she says in a stage whisper sounding entranced. “Hey alien do you have a lighter?” she calls out.
“No,” I say flatly, continuing to carry my daughter past her site.
“Really?”
“No.”
“How about a cigarette?”

By then I was back at my site, certain that my daughter would wake up in another hour ready for her day and while Alien Girlfriend Lady slept (she did sleep, right?), we’d happily make as much noise talking and laughing as possible without being totally transparent in our maliciousness.

But, we slept in.

I was saved from my malicious fantasies.

And I was really tired this morning. I forgot how hard the ground was to sleep on. No nice layer of memory foam to ease the weight off my hips. But whatever. We went camping! And had lots of fun! I forgot how good food is cooked over a fire. Like marshmallows! Mmmm.

Later…

Got home so hubby could help a friend build a fence. And now, I have a job. Well, one that pays. I’ll be opening up the library for my hubby’s old school–just until a new librarian is found. Kinda cool! I’m looking forward to it, but I’m already worried about how I’m going to balance things–like cooking and grocery shopping and all that second shift stuff. Suddenly I’ll have a lot less free time and freedom to get all these things done as I feel like it. But at the same time, I’m really looking forward to it and am already worrying that a new librarian will be found right away and I’ll have to hand over the reins just as I get comfy with them. Crazy isn’t it. I want it, but at the same time I don’t.

Oh, such conflicting feelings!