Crazy Rejection Reactions

As a writer, sometimes rejections make us do crazy things. I have personally reacted all over the spectrum when it has come to the rejection of my pages, from the indifferent shrug to the all out breakdown/tantrum.

Now, I just want to take a moment to say that all my agent rejections have been exceedingly kind and complimentary–it is NOT the agent. In the reasons for my rejection, there is always that little something missing in my stories that will make it jump out in the tough market I am seem to be drawn to writing for.

Once the sting of rejection passes, what does a writer do? While I briefly consider the idea of giving up, I always return to the worn out keyboard more determined than ever. (Well, maybe not more than ever, per se, but pretty darn determined.) However, today I took an ‘extreme’ approach. I decided to go ahead and enter WEbook‘s PageToFame contest (entry fee $4.95 per entry). I didn’t just enter once, I entered twice. Yes, you heard me. I even entered things nobody else has read before. Scary. I know. Not yet tried, tested or edited.

Why did I do this? Because I want to know how a blind reader sees my work (okay, they only actually get to read the first 250 words). Yes, there are big prizes involved if you do well, but I’m not in it for the prizes. I need to know whether my pages (okay, okay, first 250 words, 200 shy of when the caca hits the spinning blades in my story, propelling everything in chaos) have the potential to stand out. And I am learning that they do not.

Story 1: 2 rankings
Story 2: 6 rankings

Reading through some of the PageToFame submissions, I can say that I feel as though I am at least average (even though my marks above say I’m below reader expectations). However, I should add that I can be a little delusional about my own talent, varying from ‘this is brilliant’ to ‘this blows multi-coloured chunks.’ As well, if someone you know has entered PageToFame and you want to judge their entry, you have to sift through quite a bit of slush until you land upon it. While readers may be tempted to say they don’t like the work just to move through to the next submission which may be the one they are looking for, there is also the very real realization that they are clicking low numbers because they aren’t grabbed by the story (or they are trying to take out their competition–women can be sneaky that way. I say women because I entered in the women’s fiction category, which is mostly written by women). Then again, I may just be making up excuses and need to get a life.

Have you been rejected? What is the craziest thing you’ve done to combat the sting and self-doubt?

Be An Agent for a Day

Holy Poop!

I had forgotten. Literary agent Nathan Bransford is holding a ‘Be An Agent for the Day’ contest where folks try to pick the 5 queries that are from published authors and which are not.

Well, not only did I forget that I had zipped off my query for his contest’s slush pile, but I actually got picked. A friend over at AQ brought it to my attention and by the time I got over there, guess what? 109 comments on my query!

Wow! Amazing!

I will let you know which one it is when the contest is over as the queries are to be anonymous.

The Truth: Book Awards, Bestsellers and Contest Winners

I’m going to tell you things that may shock you today. Or at least make you think ‘what the hell?’ Are you ready?

First of all the Giller Prize. A fancy, dancy book award. Turns out Giller Prize books may not even be read by the judges. Uh, huh. You heard me. They end up with more books nominated than the poor judges could read in a year. So what do they do? Well, some of them grab page one, read it, flip through to about middle, read another page, then flip to some spot near the end and read there too. If they like those couple of pages, then it wins. Yup. That’s why some award winners make you wonder.

Bestsellers. Until about two years ago bestseller lists were compiled not actually from how well books sold. There wasn’t even a way to tell which books were selling the best. Newspapers with their bestseller lists would call up local bookstores and ask what they thought was selling the best. Dear lord. I’ve heard that in the past few years things have changed and that the lists may actually be accurate. Still, it kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

And Amazon’s bestselling list (while magical in its formula–and a secret too) is also misleading. You can claim that your book was a book that sold in the Amazon top 100. Okay, yes. Maybe it did for a second. But that means pretty much nothing, according to some. It seems as though the results can be tinkered with and you can make your book launch into the bestselling 100 for a minute or two if you have the right technique. Some argue that you can’t. Basically, from what I hear, nobody’s buying it if you claim amazing stats from your book sales over on Amazon. Unless you are Dan Brown or JK Rowling.

Back to contests. Aspiring writers are told by some to enter contests left, right and center. Go win one. Go place in one. If you do, you’ll get an agent’s attention, plus you will have some credentials to put in your query. Thing is, apparently nobody cares unless you win. Thing is, you have to win more than your local contest. You have to win a major contest. MAJOR contest. Otherwise, the assumption is that you were simply the best in the pile of crap that came in.

Sorry to shatter your perceptions, but well, it had to be done. I hope you’ll forgive me.

Bad Logline Contest

Sometimes life is so unfair.

Guide to Literary Agents dot com is having a contest and I can’t enter because I live in Canada. Waaaaaa! That’s as bad as those silly contests sponsored by yummy ice cream treat companies that make you go online and enter a PIN plus all your personal information at your chance to win $100,000. Bastards.

Anyway, write the worst logline and he will give you a prize. He will critique your query and then PHONE you to discuss it. Holy smokes! PLUS you win a book. A BOOK! I love books! I just got six books in the mail from Chapters today. It was like Christmas. Christmas, I say!

Sigh.

So how about something lame like this for a logline:

“During a blue moon, the pink flamingo ornaments on Evelyn’s yard come to life, but she soon finds that not only are her rapidly overgrown prize-winning pansies in danger of getting her disqualified and ridiculed at the national flower show, but her pure bred Schnowzer seems to be pregnant–and she was spayed years ago.”

Okay, that was really lame. But can you out-lame me? The challenge is on. You can bet I will be watching the comments section over at Guide to Literary Agents. And if you are an American, you have until the end of the month to try your hand at lameness on their site. Even the agents are getting in on it. Good luck to you all

Come on Versa!

So, I was finally getting motivated to do all these things in the yard that I have been putting off. I planted the 50-60 bulbs I had bought (tulips and daffodils) and was moving on to mowing the lawn so it would look less scraggly over the winter. And guess what I did? I broke the mower. After, embarrassingly, having the neighbour come over and remind me that I had to prime the engine, (I hate looking that dumb), we got it going. But then it died and then it wouldn’t stay going at all. So something somewhere is screwed up. Or maybe I am just supposed to have a scraggly lawn all winter–just so we don’t start looking too uppity.

I voted for going out and buying an electric mower, but the idea was ixnayed.

Anyway, I was all motivated to mow and the mower broke. I was all motivated to build a wind screen trellis thing for our deck–and now I have an awful cold. I even finally bought the wood and have all our tools that I will need returned. And now I don’t know what to do. Other than watch a pile of TV. And read–except that my eyes burn.

I keep hoping my cold will go away if I do nothing.

But oh, I should be getting my call from Nissan today or tomorrow telling me that I won the Versa! Cross your fingers for me! The draw is today. Please, please, please! I need a new car. My exfoliating one is getting pretty wobbly!

I picked up a book at Chapters: ‘The Feminists Go Swimming’ (by Michael Collins) for something like two bucks. It isn’t what is sounds like. Not at all. It is a bunch of short stories by an Irish male writer. Basically, they are gloomy, hopeless stories and women tend to be these total downers. Does he hate women? Or is life really that oppressively gloomy in Ireland? What about the happy little leprechauns dancing around after rainbows? Is that all an American myth? Maybe leprechauns are really vicious little ankle biters. The stories are well-written but I’m not sure if I am going to finish reading the book. Unless he puts in some leprechauns.

I am also reading ’4Blondes’ (by Candace Bushnell, writer of Sex in the City–which I have never watched–only female on the planet that hasn’t, I am sure) which I got for 50 cents at the second hand store. It is about a bunch (4) of unhappy women who are big shots in New York. There seems to be a lot of unhappiness and anal fixations in all of their lives. Maybe if they knew that the Ps go in their Vs, they’d be happier.

First Snow

Last night was the first snowfall of the season. It is already gone, of course. But, it was pretty exciting for our daughter as well as for her friends who came over this morning to play all day. By 8 a.m. she was outside making snow angels. And I tell you, I forgot how crazy a toque can make your hair when you pull it on when your hair is still wet and don’t pull it off until your hair is dry. Eeeek!

They put a playground in beside us which is very exciting. Many hours have been spent there already. And I have met a pile of neighbours. Strange though, they all ask when they discover just how close we are to the park, “Did you build or buy?”

Like really, are you trying to classify me with some strange schemata you have in your mind? Because, you can pretty much toss it out because we didn’t do it for the reasons you assume. (Although, I am not sure what reasons they are assuming…basically, I just don’t understand.)

Anyway, the snow was wonderful. But, I suppose it also means that I shouldn’t procrastinate much longer on planting my daffodils and tulips if I expect them to come up next spring!

And of course, the other outdoor projects…

Still haven’t gotten the car fixed. But then again, I am sort of hoping to hear from Nissan that I won a Versa. I sent in my essay for this week’s draw (which actually happens next week). Now, of course, I never win anything. But then again, this would certainly make up for a lifetime of not winning stuff!

Okay, okay, I won some peanut butter brittle when I was 17.

Waiting Game…

I’m waiting to win the new Subaru Forrester from the Sport Check contest I entered. The winner should be announced shortly. I never win anything, yet I have such hope.

My copy of ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows’ has been shipped. YAY! About friggin’ time. I only pre-ordered it MONTHS ago. I know people who have gotten the same discount just walking into the store and have already read their copy. And I’m okay with that. But I want to read it. I don’t want the ending spoiled for me. But I am waiting…

And I’m waiting for a refund to be applied to my online Chapters account so I can reorder a belly dance instruction video. That seems to be taking forever too.

And I’m waiting for my hubby to be done his on campus classes so he can finally hang out with us.

And I’m waiting for us to get enough money to finish our half-finished basement. And build a garage. And I’m waiting for myself to get back off my butt and finish mudding and taping the basement bathroom and to build a wind break for the deck and to plant some Hops to grow up the wind break…and…

I’m probably waiting for other stuff too, I just can’t think of it at the moment. But I feel like there is so much to do, yet so little motivation and so many distractions.