Jean The Destroyer

So, it’s been a while since I’ve posted an entry where I chant, “I am at one with the universe.” Evidently, too long.

Let me start at the beginning…

Once upon a time there was a girl who every once in a while would fall out of sync with the universe and break, damage, destroy, wreck, decimate, and generally lay waste to the electronics around her.

Flash forward to June 2010. Her two-year-old laptop starts making ‘bad’ hard drive grinding noises. Her darling husband knows what’s coming. He’s seen the signs before. He seizes the moment he’s been waiting for… he orders her a Mac in hopes that its indestructible and simple design will last her at least three years, making up for its increased cost. Jean jumps for joy at the idea of a laptop that might last. Yay! Yay!

Don’t let the smoke out! They never work right after that.

Jump back in time a little bit… Jean’s cell phone stops working properly. It must be persistently coaxed to have its screen light up and work. Darling Husband The Rescuer jumps in once again with his not-yet-recycled cell phone. He battles Bell Mobility and has her phone number transferred to the old phone. He knows its days are numbered and that he must put his get-Jean-a-new-phone-before-impending-technology-breakdown can come to fruition. Bell says Jean is up for a new FREE phone. Jean says this one is fine. Husband takes further action. Begins soft sell on Jean. Jump to July… Jean finally caves. New phone ‘purchased.’ Husband breathes sigh of relief for narrowly avoiding yet another technology breakdown crisis.

Jump to the end of July. Jean not quite sure why their digital camera is taking slightly blurred shots. Surely it can’t be the bent lens from being dropped at the mountain summit between the Yukon and Alaska acting up now. Surely.

Jump to August. Place Oram family in the safari ride at Disney’s Animal Kingdom in Florida. Animals abound. Lens won’t come out. Jean fiddles with it like she did in Alaska last summer. Breaks it. Camera done. Kaput.

Don’t even think about touching our TV, b*tch!

A week ago: Jean pulling things from the dryer. Remarks to husband, “The dryer smells funny.” Involuntary moan emits from his lips. Both realize that dryer, while still feeling new to us, is actually on borrowed time… <gulp>

Yesterday: Checking my WEbook Page to Fame entry status. I get a message saying something to the effect: You have broken our website you awful, nasty person. Whatever did we do to you? Please make it up to us by sending this code (seen at bottom of page) so we can fix our website, you awful nasty person.

Actually, the message was much kinder than that. I hit refresh a few times and went back to their homepage and things were all okay again. Whew! (Don’t tell them it was me, okay?)

Today: For the fall I have made some wonderful writing plans that I hope are not as elusive as a well-priced, point-and-shoot digital camera with a glass lens. Anyway, to keep me on track, I have managed to somehow be paired up with two very lovely, talented and motivated aspiring writers who also want to do some kick butt writing this fall. Yipee! Nothing like a group to keep you on task. So, one of the lovely ladies created a Google group for us to share documents, plans, goals, motivations, and unbeknownst to her… a place for Jean to destroy.

That’s right. I have somehow made it so even my dear ol’ hubby with his tech Masters degree cannot figure out why I cannot upload my profile picture. But that’s neither here nor there. That sort of thing happens to me like peanut butter. (Yeah, I don’t know what that means either.) Today, I wrecked a page made by another member. No, let me amend that. I didn’t wreck it, I made it not exist. No, seriously. That’s what Google says. And Google is like God. Don’t argue with God. God has lightning bolts. So, I added my goals to the existing, pre-made page, hit ‘save and publish’ and got the message that it had successfully published. Apparently into another dimension.

See? Told ya.

Oh, and I forgot. The Mac? You know how it doesn’t seize up, like ever? Yeah, I did that yesterday by trying to add someone to my address book. I’m just that good.

Anyone have a camera I can borrow? Really, I’ll take good care of it. I promise.

Predictive Text: A Look Into My Psyche

Have you ever chuckled at–hang on. First of all: do you text? If no, then skip down to where we start having fun–or where I say, “First, a bit about…” If yes, then keep on truckin’.

Okay, have you ever chuckled at what the predictive text function on your cell phone brings up as a next word option when thumbing out a text?

I have. And as a little fun for today–it’s been raining for 40 days and 40 nights out here and it’s starting to smell like decomposing worms out there. Seriously. Except the 40 part.

Anyway, fun. Today. No worms involved. Just my cell phone. No, your special treat today is not a double double from Timmy’s. Yum…coffeeeeee. Suuuuugar. Creeeeaaaammmm. Where was I? Oh, yes. Um. Right. Predictive text word call up from the delves of my cell phone’s memory and what it might say about me. Scary thought, isn’t it?

First, a bit about predictive text. When I type a text my phone offers up certain words as an option to save me thumbing it out in case it is a word sequence I often use. For example ‘soccer’ causes my cell phone to offer up ‘cancellation’ as the next word choice. (See raining for 40 days and 40 nights.)

Now for the fun. I am going to start a few sentences with common words like ‘The’ and such and see what sentences my cell phone writes for me if I keep choosing it’s offered options. It might say something scary about me, or it might not. (See blog post title.) It might make sense, but I’m pretty sure it won’t. (Again, see blog post title.)

Here goes. (The first word of each sentence is typed in by me–the rest is the cell phone–you can call her HAL):

The library.

There is a small purple and white bag that goes with the bike.

Yesterday I do not want coffee in freezer.

Today I will think there might need to meet at what pink.

The cat is a small purple and white bag.

In the cat is a small purple and white bag.

Home wondering how I will think there might need to meet at what pink.

Raghetti for free.

You rock.

That is what he said.

No rain.

So there you have it. A look into my psyche. In my defense, I never did get the hang of Thursdays.