Specifically, it needs to be said to that nasty little gremlin that sits on your shoulder telling you that you can’t do it. That little guy who wheezes in your ear, sharing not-so-sweet nothings like, “That’s an adverb, followed by too many adjectives, you twobit writer.” and “That makes no sense. Do you even know who this character is? You must SHOW their motivation.” and “That paragraph is too long.” and “A comma doesn’t go there.” and “Spelled that wrong.” and “Get a thesaurus, you’ve used that word three time. Who do you think you are. Trying to write? Ha! Ha! You don’t even have a good, polysyllabic vocabulary. Any ESL person could walk off the street with a better story and better writing. Just give up already, you are wasting your time.”

Whew! That’s some nasty stuff.

So, what do you do? What can you do? And you have to do something because that nasty little gremlin will smother your muse in vile tar in five seconds flat, leaving you sobbing on your keyboard.

First, you have to write. You have to show that gremlin who’s boss–and that would be you, the writer.

Second, if it is a long list of ‘rules’ you need to remember in order to be a ‘good’ writer that is getting you down, then the solution is easy. Write. Write, write, write, until it all becomes second nature. (Maybe focus on one thing at a time though–we don’t want any heads to explode as brains are very hard to clean off the upholstery.)

Third, write. Yeah, I’m kind of serious about this one. Don’t let the bastards get you down. Even if you have to type ‘This sucks. I know it sucks, but I’m going to keep writing until something good comes up. I’m going to sit here and keep typing even if my internal editor won’t SHUT UP! I won’t let anything distract me. I won’t get up until I have ten pages down. Even if they suck and it is the same sentence repeated 243 times. All I know is that there is this girl who has a problem with the Elm tree in her front yard and she ends up falling in love with the man across the street while trying to deal with the Elm.’ And just keep going until something happens. It will. Your brain will get tired, your gremlin will get lulled to sleep and things will take a turn and begin to happen. Be aware that it might not happen on day one or page one. Know and be okay with the fact that some of it is going to be garbage, but if you keep writing eventually you will run out of garbage. Sometimes it is by paragraph 3, sometimes it is page 56. Just write it down. You can always edit it later, recycling items, landfilling others, polishing hidden gems, etc, but if you don’t have it down… what have you got?

“It says here, “Calvin and Hobbes shows bad influences to little ones. No one can be that bad.”

Fourth, if your gremlin doesn’t have a day job, is a bit of an insomniac, and is always on snoopervision no matter what you do, distract him. Turn on music–new stuff might keep him busy. Talk radio so he isn’t lonely. Or the TV so he picks up useful tidbits he can feed to your subconscious to be placed here and there in your story.

Fifth, if your gremlin is really harping on one thing, let him out on someone else’s work. Now, be careful! You don’t want to rip someone else apart and leave them crying on their keyboard. Be kind! But if you are working on sensory details and your internal editor/gremlin is going nutso on you, read someone else’s work and make notes. What works? What doesn’t? How can you use what works in your own writing? Give yourself a challenge and ONLY focus on improving that one thing.

Sixth, don’t be afraid to play. Really. And let your Gremlin play, too. He’s bored. He’s there, use him. Turn him into your internal drive to always improve. But remember, when he gets to be too much, tell him to, “Shut UP!” And be firm. Spank him if necessary. (I won’t call social services, I promise.)

Seventh, if ALL else fails, get him a little bit tipsy–unless he’s a nasty drunk, in which case, bribe him with chocolate, ice cream, coffee, or whatever floats his sensory boat.

There will always be something to learn or work on when it comes to writing, that’s what’s so amazing about it. Go forth and play and don’t forget those two golden words: SHUT UP!

Good luck young grasshoppers. And whatever you do, keep your gremlin dry.

P.S. If you have handy gremlin elimination tips, feel free to share them in the comments section.

Um, so, yeah. The links. Here’s what I’ve got for you:

Marketing Yourself

Online Platform: Kidlit posting on some most excellent dos and don’ts in creating an online platform.

Copyblogger’s post on blogging and platform: Why people think you suck. I mean, why nobody reads your blog. I mean, dammit, just be bold and shake things up a little!

Literary agent Elana Roth’s post on how to market yourself. Brand, audience and trust. Everyone sing with me now, “Express yourself, hey, hey, hey, hey!”

Alan Rinzler shares good hooks that brought the publishing world to a writer’s door.

TK Richardson’s multi-post discussion on how to create a book trailer. Aspects of making a trailer and things to consider. The visual aspect (colour, images, and more). Where to get images. More on visuals and choices you make.

Technical Writing Stuff

Problems with spelling? The Oatmeal will help these common misspellings stick to your ribs with goofy comics and jokes to help you remember.

Craft, story, voice. And the difference is? And if you have one, but not the other? And how do you know? And what do you do to improve one? And crap, I think my brain just got tied up in a knot. Fear not, literary agent Rachelle Gardner explains it all.

Funnies

And because laughter is the best medicine, here are some writer jokes.

And that’s about it! Enjoy! Spring is on the horizon, the days are getting longer, the urge to stuff oneself with everything in the cupboard in order to make it through the long winter are subsiding. Take care, and have fun!

Sorta.

Speaking of Crazy Goals…

I’ve done an awful lot in the past two weeks, except make the 280 page mark. I am pleased to announce that I am over the 200 page threshold, but with the midnight Sunday deadline approaching faster than Easter, let’s just say, hitting 280 ain’t gonna happen. I mean, sure, I’m open to miracles. But the fact of the matter is, I’m not going to drop absolutely everything in order to accomplish this goal. In fact, writing 77 pages in the next 30.5 hours would pretty much ensure I would break a whole lot of other goals. Such as my goal of being a reasonable person, my goal of keeping my family happy and fed–heck, even hanging out with my family, my goal of getting through laundry before the work week commences once again, my goal of being a non-negligent mother, etc, etc. Plus, I’m pretty sure the cat I’m sitting would get a bit pissy if I just ran into the house, flung food at her, and hurried off again. (Same goes for my family, actually.)

There is something to be said for making unreasonable attempts, such as writing 280 pages in two weeks while trying to retain a semblance of real life (and not get fired or divorced or visited by family services). There is also something to be said for making goals and doing your best to get close to them. For example, if I hadn’t tried to reach this goal, I would still only have notes as to where I wanted to go with this story idea.

So what have I learned? I can squeeze in a little writing time every day if I make it a priority. And heck, it’s still a pile of fun! (Plus, if I write up to 9:13 in the morning, I can eek into work just in the nick of time. Whew!)

The next crazy goal? To revise this puppy in two weeks–that’s the second half of the class. I wonder if it matters that it is only 207 pages long and incomplete. Hmm…

–inspired by the movie Julie & Julia as Julie’s life showed me that I am not the only one who was been through this wretchedly joyous journey.

First, some backstory. The main character in my WIP believes she was conceived as a result of artificial insemination through a sperm donor clinic.

Doing my research on clinics, etc, I began to wonder… do I use a real clinic? What are the pluses, what are the drawbacks?

My story is set in a fictional small town in rural Alberta and there are three clinics in Alberta listed on the DonorSiblingRegistry.com website and so I was thinking, do I use a real clinic? Using a real clinic might add more details to the story that a fictional clinic may not. The problem is that if I use a real place, then I have to do even more research to ensure that I represent this place accurately as there is correspondence back and forth regarding policy, etc. And to do that, I may not be able to manipulate my character and storyline in the way I imagine. I suppose I could do the research and then figure out what works best for my story. The best of both worlds?

Here’s the other problem… when calling someone up out of the blue to ask questions, when I imagine the script, I always get stuck. For example, here’s my big ‘what if’ that leaves me stumped:

“Hi, my name is Jean Oram and I am writing a novel about a girl who is searching for her Bio-Dad who was a sperm donor in the 1980s. I’m hoping you can help me out by answering a few questions I have.”

“Cool! When will the book be published?”

“Uhhhh… well, see… here’s the thing–”

Have you delved deep into research where you interviewed people? What did you do? How did you handle the ‘when does the book come out’ topic?

____________________________________________________

P.S. Here is my progress so far:

Monday: 0

Tuesday: 14

Wednesday: 13

Thursday: 20

Friday: 24 and still going

LATER NOTE: I wrote 44 pages today (double spaced, 6625 words). Whew!

I need to write 20 pages (double spaced) every day for the next two weeks. That’s right, push everything aside and just fly!

I’ll try and keep you all posted! I’ve got to run off to work, but I hope to write my twenty pages in that hour I have between work and supper tonight. (I’d better hit the grocery store for a pre-cooked BBQ chicken!) Can she write 20 pages in 1 hour? Only time will tell…

Speaking of updates, I remembered to check on my WEbook Page to Fame submissions today. I tell ya, I’ve gotten a lot of entertainment out of those $5 submissions.

Anyway, here’s a screen shot of how I’m doing at the moment:

I’m doing much better since they’ve removed all the ‘bad’ votes. It turns out some folks were going on there and lowballing submissions that weren’t theirs. I had kind of wondered why I had the almost exact same crappy marks for two very different projects–one that had been very much edited and one that hadn’t (at all, really). Now, there is a variety in marks which is relieving and expected. The edited project is doing 4% better (it’s the 2nd one in the above image). Interesting, isn’t it?

I may have already mentioned this, but I love the fact that this contest (which allows you to submit the first page–about 250 words if I recall correctly) has opened my eyes to things I need to improve. Looking at my first page and looking at the marks that were coming in, I quickly realized my story was not showing how it was different right up front. It was, well, kind of average in its topic, if you know what I mean? Thanks to this contest, combined with a few bits of agent feedback, I have since improved my opening with a few tweaks to let the reader see that this might not be your typical girl-getting-married-and-having-second-thoughts kind of story.

I sure do love it when feedback helps me see what I need to do to push my writing to the next level.

How about you? Have you gotten a tidbit somewhere lately that’s opened your eyes to what you need to do to make your work better or make it stand out?

P.S. I’ve blacked out the contest submission titles as I don’t want folks I know inflating my marks out of the kindness of their dear little hearts. Just in case they might be tempted….

Here goes…

Where is your cell phone? uh? My bag?
Your hair? getting curlier
Your mother? alive
Your father? alive
Your favourite food? Mom’s spaghetti
Your dream last night? I dreamt?
Your favourite drink? Water. Straight up.
Your dream/goal? get my stories in bookstores
What room are you in? living room
Your hobby? reading, writing, but not arithmatic
Your fear? Loss.
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy
Where were you last night? Why do I need an alibi? (Buying a car)
Something that you aren’t? Mean
Muffins? Sure, thanks
Wish list item? Those flower clogs, Disneyland
Where did you grow up? In a schoolhouse
Last thing you did? Breathed
What are you wearing? work outfit
Your TV? off
Your pets? 2 cats
Friends? Yes, I have some. Thanks for asking.
Your life? It’s gooooood
Your mood? It’s good, too
Missing someone? Sure, it I think about it.
Vehicle? ‘94 Dodge Shadow Selling it.   (See above)
Something you’re not wearing? men’s underwear
Your favourite store? MEC (Mountain Equipment Co-op)
Your favourite color? Blue
When was the last time you laughed? today
Last time you cried? Uh? December?
Your best friend? My husband
One place that I go to over and over? bathroom
One person who emails me regularly? Lots of people, I’m lucky that way.
Favourite place to eat? At the table

Thanks!