Stupid Business Practices: AKA The Kindle (FAIL!)

I’m ticked. Steamed. Peeved. Angry. Frustrated. Ready to blow a gasket.

Why you might ask?

Oh, I’ll tell you why. There’s this frustrating service called trying to buy an ebook on Amazon.

(Please pardon the language.)

For the record, I do not have a Kindle. I do not like it’s proprietary nature. (I.e. does not play nicely with formats that have not been invented by the lack-of-foresight-bearing marketing gorillas employed by Amazon.) As well, a little disclaimer: I am not some sort of idiot savant when it comes to technology or online shopping, but I am no moron either. I am your average consumer.

Anyway, writer friend Cat Woods mentioned over on AQC that there was a free ebook (Writing Fiction for Dummies) over on Amazon. Wahoo! Can you say free book? I am such a sucker for free books. And I also might be a bit of a sucker for a writing book as well. So, naturally I cruised over to Amazon to check it out. Well, guess what? It didn’t look like it was free. I thought, well, maybe if I proceed to checkout with the book it will come up as free. Worth a try, right?

Well, no. Not unless you like the roaring sensation as your blood pressure rises and enjoy that feeling of wanting to reach through your monitor and strangle anyone associated with Amazon. For the record, I do not enjoy either of those sensations and try my best to avoid them by seeing the best in everyone.

I click to purchase it and guess what? It takes me to a page where Amazon says: Jean, we currently do not show a device registered to your Amazon account for which this content is available.

Me: Yeah, so? What business is it of yours?

Amazon: Can we sell you a Kindle? (Paraphrasing just a bit here)

Me: Just gimme the damn book.

Amazon:

• Not registered yet? To continue with your purchase, register your device or computer:
  • Amazon Kindle
  • Get Kindle for Mac
  • Get Kindle for iPhone
  • Get Kindle for Android

Me: Is there a work around? It isn’t any of your business what device I have. Just give me the option of which format I can get it in and I’ll take it from there, thankyouverymuch.

Amazon: Ha, ha. You are so funny. Register. Now.

Me: Fine. But it’s still none of your business. How do you know that I haven’t already downloaded the Kindle app for my Android or onto my Mac? Hmmm? Have you thought of that? Maybe you are making me (your valued customer) take an extra, unnecessary step and download something I don’t need due to the of lack of forethought in your so-called registration system. Haven’t you geniuses heard of radio buttons? And why isn’t software for a PC listed? Do you KNOW that I am on a Mac right now? I didn’t give you permission for that kind of access. And the fact that a PC isn’t mentioned in the list makes me highly suspicious.

Amazon: Register.

Me: FINE!

Me: Okay, I downloaded the thingy for Mac. Now what?

Amazon: <silence>

Me: Okay, well, I assume that I just ‘registered’ my device since there is nothing else for me to do. Let’s go…. Book please.

Amazon: <silence>

Me: Alrighty then. Let’s try ‘buying’ this book again.

Amazon: Jean, we currently do not show a device registered to your Amazon account for which this content is available.

Me: How do I reach through my monitor and strangle you, you little ^&&@ $%*&^ *$&@!

(For the record: I now officially hate the Kindle. Because when it comes right down to it, this is what it is all about.)

Amazon: You don’t have our device, we’re going to be beepedy-beeps until you buy it. Have a nice day.

Me: Good luck getting an epenny out of me, suckers. You LOSE! Let’s see… there is a phrase for this. Oh, right: KINDLE FAIL. And I think also I should apply AMAZON FAIL.

Argh! Does anyone know what I’m doing wrong? Not that I really plan to do anything about it… but some day when it’s really cold and frosty somewhere south I might forgive Amazon and want to buy an ebook from them instead of my other sources.

Writing Links!

It’s time for some links to great articles on writing again…

It’s time to start a new story. (It is NaNoWriMo month after all.) But how to begin it? Hmmm… You want your opening to pop. You want something for the reader to sink their teeth into. Should the MC be on the first page? Start with Dialogue? When does this story start anyway? Is that where you should start? Darn, if only there were some examples! To help you through the mess we call the first page, agent Lucienne Diver gives you the goods (and some examples).

You are clicking those keys along, writing like the wind, and then one day… nothing. There seems to be a brick wall in front of you. Some call it <gasp> writer’s block. No matter which way you move, it doesn’t. Need some ideas on how to get past it? Try Women on Writing’s tips.

I can’t write, my cat ate my pen.

After many arduous hours you declare it finished! You finished your book and you are ready to query it. But hang on a second, what the heck genre is it? Is it a mystery? Thriller? High Fantasy? Commercial Fiction? Agent Jennifer Laughran presents the genre glossary.

Now that you have the genre pinned down, what makes for a good ‘hook’ in a query letter? Again, another lovely face in the biz comes to the rescue! Jane Friedman gives you the basics on what that hook should include.

You’ve sent out your query and crossed your fingers. And it worked! You got a request from an agent! They want to see more. You decide you’d better take one quick look through your manuscript and make sure there aren’t any glaring typos, etc. But how long do you have before the agent says, “Aw. Forget it. They won’t send it. I take back my offer.” Agent Mary at her wonderful Kidlit blog weighs in.

It’s been sent. Your manuscript has been sitting on an agent’s desk for what feels forever, waiting to be read. It’s been hours, days, weeks, even months. Do you give the agent a friendly email nudge to make sure they haven’t forgotten about you? Here’s the scoop on when to nudge from QueryTracker.

Okay, so you’ve beat the odds. You snagged an agent (landing you in the top 1%) and now you have a book deal! (About 50% of represented writers land a book deal on their first book.) But how many copies do you need to sell to stay in the game and not be considered a complete flop? There’s no easy answer, but Bubble Cow gives you a scoop or two of chocolate fudge to keep you going.

And because you are so wiped out from this all, you need a little break. Maybe a laugh. Maybe a gasp or two. And so I present to you, ads from the past.

Novels Remembering World War II

By coincidence, I happened to read two great novels in the past few weeks that both use World War II as their setting. One in England and the USA, the other in Germany. One narrated by a female reporter, the other by Death, himself. Both stellar.

First I read The Postmistress by Sarah Blake. This is the story set in England and the East coast of the USA. (With a short trip through Germany and France.) The story follows Frankie, a female American reporter, who broadcasts news from England to those in the US. When a friend is killed during a typical, nightly bombing of London, she takes up her friend’s quest to show the world what is happening to the Jewish people. (This was before the world knew what was really happening with the Jewish people in Germany and German occupied territories.) Off to Germany she goes with a portable recorder to record voices, not knowing what she will do with them, just knowing that it is important to record them.

Meanwhile, back on the East coast of the US, a small town is going about their everyday lives, wondering/disbelieving/believing that the war will reach their shores. And in the midst is a rule-honouring Postmistress who does something ‘wrong.’ But truly, this story is not about her and her minor misdeed. In fact, the prologue gives readers an unfair expectation of the book and what the story will hold. That aside (don’t bother reading the prologue if you like), the book is a fantastic story of war, love, family, community, and identity. If you liked The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, you will likely enjoy The Postmistress.

The second book was The Book Thief by Markus Zusuk. While classified as YA (young adult), this is a thick book that also appeals to adults. While narrated by Death (who has a very distinct and wonderful voice as well as way of seeing things), it truly follows the story of a poor, young, foster girl, dubbed ‘the book thief’ by Death due to her love of reading and her unlawful ways of getting reading material to satiate her love of the written word. While a member of the mandated Hitler Youth in Nazi Germany, this girl has another secret other than her ill-gotten books, and that is the Jew hidden in her basement.

A wonderful story about coming of age, secrets, war, friendships, and making due with little. If you liked the quirks of The Giver, you will probably enjoy The Book Thief.

Today, pick up one of these books and remember those who died and fought (and are fighting) for what we have today–and part what we have is the freedom and safety to write and read about life, war, society, governments, and more.

We are a privileged lot and I am forever grateful and thankful for what we have.

Shop Indie Bookstores

Shop Indie Bookstores

The Value of Writer’s Groups/Writing Communities

Over on AgentQueryConnect, where I am a moderator, I had a new member ask me why I hang out at AQC, and what I get out of it. This member had been wondering where to post files for the agents to see and I had explained that we were a writing community that prepped writers about the business of publishing and got them ready for that moment when their work makes it in front of an agent. (Side note: For those seeking an agent–there is no easy, magic bullet. There is no wonderful hidden website where all the agents go and all you have to do is place your work there and you’ll have an agent and a book deal within the week. Agents are much too busy for that–go through the regular querying channels. And yes, WEbook has a submit to agents area on their website, but personally, I had less luck using that free service than sending a regular email query to agents.)

Let’s start at the beginning. First of all, what is a writing community/writer’s group? And is there a difference between the two? Generally speaking, a writer’s group usually meets at a ‘real’ place and in ‘real’ time. A writing community is usually something you find online. AQC is a writing community, but you could also call it a writer’s group. Basically, the two groups have the same goal–to be a place for writers to meet, gab about the craft, the business, maybe offer some critiques, share their work, share their woes, ask questions, answer questions, and basically, feel as though you are a part of a group that ‘gets’ you and what you are trying to accomplish and gain help as well as support. You can also network in these groups.

Image from The Gaping Void. You may also remember the review I did for Hugh’s book Ignore Everybody.

So, why join a group? Well, that depends a bit on your personality and goals. For me, an online writing community was a safe place to come out of the writer’s closet and talk about writing, share my writing (when ready) and learn a whole lot more about the craft, etc, in a group of people who wouldn’t ask me every week, “So, are you published yet? No? Why not?” (And hence, making me feel like a complete failure and inadvertently apply crazy pressure, which in turn, would cramp my creativity in a tight little vice, helping me get nowhere except Quitsville.)

Generally, the people you will find in a writer’s group/writing community are dedicated and understand that the road to publication is a long journey. It’s full of moments where you are sure your hair just brushed the clouds and other moments where you’re sure your toes just got singed by the devil’s very own fires. These fellow writers listen. They empathize. And when you are ready, they might just hand you a tip or resource that leads to immense improvement.

Some folks are lucky in that they live in an area that is rife with folks who want to write and get published through regular, ‘traditional’ channels. And then there are areas where the local writer’s group is a bunch of old ladies putting together their personal memoirs to give to their children as a Christmas gift. And there is nothing wrong with either avenue, as I mentioned, it all depends upon your goals. What may work perfectly for one, may not work for another. That’s the sweetness of online groups–you can find one that fits you and suits your needs.

So, the big question–what have I received from my writing community? Oh lordy! How much time do you have? I can credit AQC with so much. I have gone from so wet behind the ears that frogs were croaking back there to being agented. In the span of about three or four years. I have met many fabulous critique partners on AQC who have challenged me and urged me to improve my skills through their insightful and constructive comments. I have met others who are on the same journey as I am and we have shared agonies and triumphs–and very importantly, ‘gotten’ what agonies and triumphs they are. I have also learned an INCREDIBLE amount about the craft of writing as well as the business of publishing. And most recently, I had my critique partner slide a door open a ways for me–landing me a literary agent.

A little note: You get back what you put in. I’ve put a huge amount into the writing community and in turn, have received a huge amount back. Join for the camaraderie, stay for the insights.

So, there you have it. Writer’s Groups/Writing Communities in a nutshell.

Do you/have you belonged to one? More than one? What do you get out of them? What don’t you get out of them?

Update: Goals and Challenges

Okay, who stole last week? No, I’m serious. It vanished without even the typical whooshing sound it makes when a week goes flying by me!

I think it is about time for a little update from me. As you know, I have issued a few challenges to myself in the last year. Here are the goods:

Good news first? You betcha!

My romance group critique partners and I issued each other a challenge–get a literary agent by Christmas. Well, guess what? 2 of the 3 of us have! I would be in that statistic–due to a humongous leg-up from Calista Taylor–she put a well-timed word in for me. The third partner is doing edits requested by an agent that could very well lead to representation. Wow! Can all three of us meet that goal? I think so!

PASS!

(So, yes. I am now ‘agented’ and have been working on my proposal for my nonfiction Kid’s Play project. We hope to have that out on submission soon. Cross your fingers for me!)

Other good news:

My WEbook Page to Fame submission (Humorous women’s fiction) got elevated to round 3! I haven’t submitted it yet, but will soon. (More on that as time goes by.)

PASS

And then I’ve been letting other things slide…

Remember my challenge to myself to read 5 banned/challenged books in one year? Well, I didn’t quite make it. I blame all those other good books in my life and how they’ve weasled their way ahead in the To Be Read lineup. I do still plan to read those banned/challenged books. And I will.

FAIL

As for my Read Around the World Challenge which is an ongoing project… well, I haven’t posted anything in months, but I have been keeping tabs on what I read. I’ve gotten to the point where it is typically the same three or four countries being read over and over again. But, I do have a little something from France that I will post (one of these days).

Er… FAIL? Er…PASS? You decide.

And lastly, there is my tidy up and organize my life New Year’s plan. Yes, I am still working on that one. Decluttering, etc. I have shredded and recycled a whole pile of old manuscripts–don’t worry, I still have copies! But I still haven’t cured the problem of the tumbling items on the top shelf of the back door closet yet. Working on it though. Well, mentally. (I might mention that in the New Year’s Plan post I also mentioned getting an agent and also relaxing a bit–I’ve done both.)

Er… PASS? Mostly.

That’s all from me at the moment, any news updates from you?