Critiques Give Author New Knowledge

This just in…

Main characters who do not realise that they are to thaw a turkey before cooking are considered to be TSTL. (Too stupid to live)

In unrelated news, you can have jeans fitted. The word on the street is that you can ask the store to fit you. Asking a member of the same sex to join you in a change room bearing a measuring tape will not imply that you are gay and coming on to sales clerk. Attempts at past fittings without measuring tape and/or sales personnel have resulted in the sage advice, “Try another size” and “Sorry, that’s all we’ve got. Try Wal-Mart.”

In other breaking news, you can ask liquor store clerks for advice on what wine goes with what foods. Reports have stated that you will not hear the previously assumed reply of, “Coors Light?” but actual, helpful advice.

While the findings of this informative and oh-so-helpful news article have not been geographically tested, the results are guaranteed in upper-end larger city locations where citizens have great wealth and time on their hands.  In all other locations (i.e. the rest of the universe), the advice is still considered worth heeding or at least pondering before discarding with great mirth.

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