The First Five Pages: Comparison

I love Noah Lukeman. There was one scene in my manuscript that I just couldn’t quite get the right feeling going. I needed the reader to really slip into the character’s situation and go, “oh my god, the mortification!” So, after reading the chapter on comparison, I skimmed through the first twenty-five pages looking for places where I could use a comparison to add some brevity or pull the reader in a little more. Specifically, I was heading for one particular scene. I found it. I used comparison to bring the scene across better. And I think it is a lot better. Thank you Lukeman!

Before: Turning, I find three pairs of eyes staring at me. Edison’s father appears horrified, Rose disgusted and Edison, blatantly curious.

After: Turning, I find three pairs of eyes staring at me. Their expressions are similar to those who have witnessed a car crash; a mixture of curiosity and horror.

Still thinking about past chapters, I still use ‘look’ a lot! I just found half a page that I had gone over that still had the character ‘looking’ at the turkey three times!!! Three times! How crazy is that!

Cool Marketing Idea

Have you seen those book trailers?

What are they? They are a short video, sort of like a visual back of the book blurb. I think that is pretty neat. I watched three off an agent’s blog and wanted to read two of the three books. This is interesting as I have seen one of the books on shelves as well as noticed ads for it and have been sort of like, ‘that’s interesting, but whatever’. I didn’t pick it up. I didn’t read the blurb. I didn’t buy it. But now, due to the little video, I have not only visited the book’s website and cruised around on it, I have made a mental note to check the book out of the library if I come across it (and ever find my library card again–stupid safe spot that I put it in). Still, I haven’t gone out and bought it, but I am one step closer to reading that book.