The First Five Pages: Sound

Okay, this chapter was a bit more painful for me as slower revelations often are. It was about listening for how your work flows. In general, I believe that I edit for sound (flow) somewhat well. Yet, I still learned a lot from this chapter and some of the ‘technical’ reasons on why something doesn’t sound quite right.

I’ve heard of people reading their whole manuscript out loud in order to hear the flow. And I think, ‘wow’. To read out loud takes forever. It is painful. I mean, I just spent several hours reading poetry out loud to listen to the flow, the words, the rhythm; the life of it. And my throat hurts. Top that with spending the four hours Lukeman recommends reworking and listening to your one chosen paragraph, and I am in agony. Physically, mentally and metaphorically.

It was hard. And the thing is, reading my paragraph now, I am so brain numb that I can’t even tell if it is better, worse or just different. Right now, I am leaning towards simply different. Although some parts I think have improved. The problem is, the paragraph is so worked, so strung, so metaphorical, so visual, that it doesn’t fit with the light tone, easy style and fun character of the rest of the manuscript.

The paragraph I chose was about my character finding the man at her door attractive.

Now it is almost downright literary. Not that I am bashing literary, but how often do Chick Lit readers go, ‘oh honey, listen to this bit, “emanates an honest sincerity that pulls at me like a gravitational field”’. Plus my husband laughed when he saw this line over my shoulder, “In fact, Matthew makes my pulse throb in an undeniable way.” That line is almost embarrassing. Nothing wrong with it, if say you are writing erotica, or something more steamy, but she just met the guy and the attraction and scene is supposed to be an ‘oh, just in passing’ sort of a moment. She’s not even supposed to consciously notice that she is truly attracted to him.

In the beginning, way back in time (like a few hours ago), those few lines went something like this: He is more attractive than Giles, that’s for sure. In fact, Matthew makes my heart beat a little bit faster.

Now after spending hours on it for sound they have evolved into this: He is better looking than Giles and emanates an honest sincerity that pulls at me like a gravitational field. In fact, Matthew makes my pulse throb in an undeniable way.

Different. Definitely different. I even kind of like it. But it doesn’t fit.

On to the next chapter….