The First Five Pages: Adjectives and Adverbs

I went in my favourite book store the other day, armed with a gift card. And I found an amazing book: The First Five Pages: A Writer’s Guide to Staying Out of the Rejection Pile by Noah Lukeman. (It is really affordable–go buy a copy if you don’t have one already. Seriously. It is helpful and readable.)

I began skimming the pages as I stood there in the aisle and after reading a whole chapter, it dawned on me that this was a book that I needed to have at home and that it was not something that I could or should just take out of the library.

Now I am doing as Lukeman tells me to, which is to complete the chapter exercises at the end of each chapter before continuing on. Being a rule follower, I am obeying. So far. It is really hard to not just blow through the whole book since I am so excited about it.

After reading the chapter on adjectives and adverbs, I looked over my ‘best’ work and cringed. Oh my god. It was like the shades had been lifted from my eyes and I realised that I had been going out in the writing world with a large hole in the backside of my pants. (Or at least that is how I feel.)

In the first page of my work, I was blowing my first impression. No wonder I was getting rejected. Knowing what I know after reading those ten pages, I would have rejected myself too. I was trying too hard to create a feeling with the wrong words. I could have molded the same feeling with fewer, stronger words.

I still sit here, pulling at my hair and kicking myself. I could have done so much better! All that time I wasted, trying to sell something that was so flawed. (And yes, I am being a touch too hard on myself, but at the same time, I am very excited about it too.)

When does improving your work end? Probably never. And I am okay with that, as long as my butt isn’t showing.

Here is an example of before and after with many, many heartfelt thanks to Noah Lukeman, who is my new hero.

Before the Lukeman overhaul:

I toss the extracted rollers onto the small table that sits beside my front door and shake out my now-curled, shoulder length, black hair.

After the Lukeman overhaul:

I pitch the rollers onto the table in my entry and shake out my hair, marveling at the way it tickles my bare shoulders.

Different, isn’t it? In the original, did I really need to state that the character’s hair was ‘now-curled’? She just pulled the rollers out of her hair so we can assume that her hair is now curled. And to think, I pondered over whether I should place a hyphen between ‘now’ and ‘curled’. I didn’t even need either word! Silly, silly me.

Plus, I much prefer the change from calling her hair shoulder length to her marveling at the way it tickles her bare shoulders. Instead of just describing the character’s appearance, the words are also creating a feeling. For me, it is a sexy, rich feeling having my hair tickle my bare shoulders.

I can’t wait until I get to do the next chapter!