Childhood

Band-aids make everything better when you’re a kid. I remember putting them on bumps and bruises too. And yes, they did make them feel better.

But, now…I am an adult. So…I’m going to go make some chili.

Later…

Things to worry about: you have a creative child who is very much an individual, but also a pleaser. A combo destined to confusion over one’s sense of self. As a three-year-old, our daughter is very creative in the way that she chooses to dress herself and how she does her hair. She takes great pride in her outfits and her father and I make appropriate, complementary compliments on her outfit and then take her out in public. I don’t care if her socks don’t match. I don’t care that she has placed her black velvet dress over plaid pants, and that her red hair ribbon is tied around her chest and daintily accessorized with a yellow hair barrette. Add a shiny pink shirt, worn open over top and a hair band and she is ready to go. And I am fine with that. But there are people who have a very definite sense of what should be worn with what. And they do not allow those rules to be softened for the younger kids—like three-year-olds. Like a certain octagarian I know who basically told her that she would be more beautiful if her shoes matched. Well, being a pleaser…you get the picture. But fear not, she got even in her own little way. Never underestimate the power of karma and the creativity and intelligence of ‘little’ ones.

So, today I discovered that I am not the only one who thinks Jack Johnson is HOT. I am not the only mom out there who rents Curious George for her kid(s) and says, ‘sure’ when the kids ask if they can watch the Curious George music video again. Yes, it stars Jack Johnson. A tip though…Ben Harper is cute…apparently. So, now I must Google him. Will return…

Okay back now…not as much as good ol’ Jack. Cute, but no cigar.

Here’s a picture:

Ben Harper

Now dare to compare:

Jack Johnson

I mean, really. Is there any contest? In my world…no. I mean I even have a character in my latest work, Allie, who is TOTALLY in love with Jack Johnson. As my friend was saying today, it is something about a guy crooning a love song. I would say that she TOTALLY nailed that one on the head. And really, a guy acting all cute around Curious George. There is something wrong with my brain, I know. But, I was born this way. Really, there is not a lot I can do about it. What isn’t nature was nurture. Besides, I like me this way.

Life Lesson #1: Never buy a wood table that needs to be oiled. It’s a pain in the ass. Unless you know, you like things to be a pain in the ass…

Cash and Romance

You see…the problem is nobody’s kids are nearly as cute or endearing (or endurable) as your own. With that said, there is nothing more soul searching than the desire to wring someone else’s kid’s neck.

I think I am in a mood.

I would love to sell a book. But how do you do that? Well, I thought, heck, I’ll send it to Red Dress Ink. In fact, their wonderful website (Division of Harlequin) has great writer resources. The appeal of Red Dress Ink was that I had read some of their books and thought, hey I can write like that! (Even though I’d like to be more of an aspiring Meg Cabot—she TOTALLY rocks.) Anyway, I made sure my story was within their guidelines, blah, blah, blah. Sent it off as their website stated that you don’t need to be represented by an agent and so, I sent the package off.

Guess what? Their website is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY out of date. Doh! They no longer take unsolicited manuscripts, blah, blah, blah. Ouch. Okay, well, that sucks.

It reminds me of the time I wrote three, hard-packed articles with facts and reasons and no fluff for a newspaper (offering me, what was it?–$15 per article) only to be told to make them fluffy and cheap and to also interview people and basically put in at least 5 hours of work into the article. Sorry, pal. I haven’t worked that hard for $3 per hour since…well…never. Dead end.

So, now I am looking around for an agent. Someone who can get me in the door. Because, it seems like nobody (publishers) want chick lit. Unless they are a big company and then they want to go through an agent. And as I am learning fast and painfully, Canadian agents don’t seem to want romance writers and chick lit is…you got it…romance. <sigh> I feel like I am going in circles. Only I’m not actually in the circle.

So just an aside here, are Canadian writers and agents and publishers really that serious? I mean, Canadian readers will read anything. It’s not all Atwood and her wannabes. Not that there is anything wrong with that. We own just about all of Atwood’s books. But if you look around on an airplane, what are Canadians reading? Well, it isn’t all literary. Unless Grisham is now literary. So…where is the Canadian representation on this? I am thinking I am going to have to go seeking outside Canada in order to get published. And I want to be published. I want people on airplanes reading MY stuff. And I want them laughing so hard they have to wipe the tears off their cheeks and writing me emails asking me to please put out more books. That’s what I want. Now I just need to go get it.

So, how does this all work? Is there a romance underground that I don’t know about? Romance is like, well, crazy popular. (And sells.) But everyone wants an agent. But Canadian agents don’t want romance writers. (But you know, if I got an American agent in say New York, then I would finally have an excuse to go see the Big Apple.)

Damn. Maybe I should just put my head in gear and write something literary. You know something my grandma would approve of.

But, I don’t wanna.

My other grandma would love my chick lit. But she’s dead. Can you commune with the dead? I can’t. Maybe I should buy an Ouija board. I need someone in my corner who will use the ‘f’ word when I need a good kick in the pantaloons. Although, I do have some people in my corner who would do that and the plus side is that their ashes aren’t mingling with the bees in the apple orchard. That is a plus when it comes to the ease of communing.

Satellite radio rocks. Did you know that? It does. I love it. I particularly love Coffeehouse on Sirius radio. I love Jack Johnson. I could marry him. Except, well, I am already married and I’m not into bigamy. And well, I’ve never actually met Jack Johnson. He’s super sexy in the Curious George movie music video, but in real life he could be a real weeny. I doubt it, but it could true. Anyway, there is lots of good stuff and no commercials.

Nice, I just read on the Writers’ Union of Canada that there are about 30 literary agents in Canada. That would explain a few things…not to mention be a TAD discouraging. How the heck am I EVER going to get published? <Insert HUGE sigh here.>

I finally figured out the lyrics to the classic Motley Crue song “Smoking in the Boys Room” while singing it out loud with my husband. I had always wondered what the ‘louders room’ was. Turns out it isn’t ‘smokin’ in the louders room’, it is ‘smoking’s not allowed in school’ or something to that effect. Makes more sense. And I suppose if I had really paid attention, and maybe listened to the lyrics a little more while listening to it on my walkman while mowing the lawn…well, I wouldn’t have been the 31-year-old moron in the vehicle singing lyrics for years (decades) that really, make no sense. But, I suppose that is me. I question weird things, but not what the hell a ‘louders room’ is. LOL.